I am a paradox. I want to be happy but I think of things that make me sad. I don't like myself but I also love who I am. I crave attention but reject it when it comes my way. I can't figure myself out there is no way anyone else can.
Who did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you’ve completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You don’t talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative people in. You refuse to open up and let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?
And sometimes it happened, for a time. That kind of love comes and goes and is hard to remember afterwards, like pain. You would look at the man one day and you would think, I loved you, and the tense would be past, and you would be filled with a sense of wonder, because it was such an amazing and precarious and dumb thing to have done; and you would know too why your friends have been evasive about it, at the time.